Woke up on the wrong side of the body, slowly make my way to the day, new fosters have made a huge mess, grumpy and bitchy comes out to play. I slog thru the morning, finally able to sit and breathe, take in some coffee and cannabis and remember why I am here.
I was reminded by a friend texting and asking for a donation of shoes… I happen to know a thrift store who has so many shoes, they don’t know what to do! It was a sole full exchange and it reminded me of what I am doing. Here. Now.
And I move with ease through what is necessary, I remember why I am here. To love.
All is well, even when it isn’t… There always comes the time when you can relax into the questions and ask yourself how to be clear. And trust your answers.
I arrived at the end of my day with more understanding. I think that’s my blessing. And the new fosters? A handful of goodness!
It’s been a crazy week for me.. just as i launch a new idea in my life, a direction, a goal, the Universe moves to shake shit up, just a little. One time, years ago, i had an auntie i was close to.. but the years passed, things were said, actions done and we just fell away from each other. She grew old, her children had children and a big family, that didn’t include me, ensued. That brilliant, beautiful spark went out the other day. I am sad and yet, in her death i have learned so much about myself and why i have certain complications in my life. It’s the path she put me upon as a young woman, a bit of definition in my life that was very subconscious.
I happen to find EFT Tapping a good way to release the old, strong, unknown emotional bonds that we have and facing the death of a woman so dear to me has brought up a few of those bonds that weren’t so positive. I am feeling cleaner and lighter just acknowledging that some of the things she said to me when i was a young woman weren’t said to hurt me, but to push me to be a better person in her own limited perspective. I didn’t need her advice at the time and it was very wrong and painful.. but i absorbed it, believed it and have had that ‘program’ running silently in the background of my life.
All i can say today is “thank you, thank you, thank you”… she is and was my aunt Diddly Dee…. i will love her always and she will be in my heart and mind forever.. but her words and advice i will let go with her ashes and her spirit.
I will continue to love myself, to better myself and the world around me and love unconditionally.. I am not a disappointment, i wasn’t hurting anyone and I have amounted to something lovely… but thanks for trying, auntie.. i love you. Rest in Peace.