Family Ties

It’s been a crazy week for me..  just as i launch a new idea in my life, a direction, a goal, the Universe moves to shake shit up, just a little.  One time, years ago, i had an auntie i was close to.. but the years passed, things were said, actions done and we just fell away from each other.  She grew old, her children had children and a big family, that didn’t include me, ensued.  That brilliant, beautiful spark went out the other day. I am sad and yet, in her death i have learned so much about myself and why i have certain  complications in my life.  It’s the path she put me upon as a young woman, a bit of definition in my life that was very subconscious.

I happen to find EFT Tapping a good way to release the old, strong, unknown emotional bonds that we have and facing the death of a woman so dear to me has brought up a few of those bonds that weren’t so positive.  I am feeling cleaner and lighter just acknowledging that some of the things she said to me when i was a young woman weren’t said to hurt me, but to push me to be a better person in her own limited perspective.  I didn’t need her advice at the time and it was very wrong and painful.. but i absorbed it, believed it and have had that ‘program’ running silently in the background of my life.

All i can say today is “thank you, thank you, thank you”…   she is and was my aunt Diddly Dee…. i will love her always and she will be in my heart and mind forever.. but her words and advice i will let go with her ashes and her spirit.

I will continue to love myself, to better myself and the world around me and love unconditionally.. I am not a disappointment, i wasn’t hurting anyone and I have amounted to something lovely… but thanks for trying, auntie.. i love you. Rest in Peace.

Bella, Ready for Adoption!

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Beautiful Gray and White Cat, Bella is seeking a home where she can love up the residents and eat off their plate.. fortunately that’s the only bad habit this kitty cat has… she loves people food..  somewhere she was fed a lot of it and has remembered the taste.  She really wants to escape Zen Kitty Fosters because i refuse to give her people food.. she’s sneaky…

Regardless of that, Bella loves to lay next to you and purr while you admire her muted beauty!  She is laid back, good manners and is good with other cats and loud busy places.  She would probably be ok in a multi cat home but would thrive with the most attention and a good healthy diet that didn’t include people food!

She is available thru Salem Friends of Felines

Moving Forward

ZenKitty is getting more action! We now have our very own website.. http://www.zenkittyfosters.org which comes right back to this wordpress blog.  But that’s OK. Business cards ordered, too.  yay.

This blog will be about fostering kittens, living in chronic pain, rescuing vintage stuff to resell to support the kitten habit.

Peaceful and centered, playful and loving kittens.  Salem Friends of Felines is the rescue i work with and they provide all of the veterinary care for the animals through Willamette Animal Hospital.

For now my website is listed at http://www.n2theflow.com  I have many wonderful vintage items for sale.. every sale goes to help my foster kittens and support myself.  We are living the wonderful life.. just not the rich life!

I will also share much information about raising kittens, spay and neuter programs, living in chronic pain, using medical cannabis and loving yourself!

Much appreciation for your readership!

Onward and upward.

Putting it out there

Yesterday I had surgery on my thumb for trigger thumb, Today I feel overwhelmed.

When I get overwhelmed, I notice that I to do nothing. My headspace gets all trippy.
I become unorganized, frustrated, and a general feeling of malaise. My pain level increases, my brain feels crazy, and I start to shut down. I want to withdraw and yet I need Other humans, But asking for help seldom goes right for me.
The anxiety I feel when contemplating asking for help some times is just too much.
I feel like my kitten feels when he tries to play with the old cat who constantly slaps him with her claws. Claw shy!

When I do work up the courage and ask for help it is often with the wrong person, maybe they’re unwilling to help or unable to help but regardless I’m left standing there awash with the emotion and yet unable to get my needs met. And the anxiety wins because I retreat.

The good in this is I have learned to solve my own problems, and deal with feeling alone, and somehow I want to know that this is my good, the right path. I hope so, because if not why, and what am I doing here????

Huge challenge for me is talking about anything less than good. I have lived a life where “seeing the good” is my normal. I am trained to talk about only the good. I have affirmed my good so much that speaking of anything less than is difficult. Makes me feel like a failure to talk about less than happy, positive, wonderful, experiences, ideas, events.

The reality, the experience, becomes one of where I’m happy in the world and when I am sad I disappear, withdraw. So I only show up for half the time, the rest of the time I hide.

When I’m forced to show up feeling bad, I take a lot of energy to fake it till I make it. It never feels authentic. It’s easier just to stay away, to pretend that all is well, all the time.

I admire people who can speak and write about all of their life the good and the bad and can express to the world how to walk through that and how to survive.

I continue to draw inspiration from them, and one day at a time, I will continue to love myself no matter what.

Sam Kitty Bio

This is Sam Sam will be ready for adoption in a few days, But tomorrow he gets neutered!

Here is his bio.
Hi I’m Sam, a beautiful kitten, all black except for a stray white hair here and there, and one white spot on my belly.
I am rambunctious and love to play Fetch, except we don’t call it fetch because that’s a dogs game. You throw the mouse and I bring it back, so you can throw it over and over and over again!! It’s a game I invented!!!

I don’t like to be alone, and I can be quite loud if I am, so don’t try, if I am going to be alone during the day, You might want to get me a friend

I bring to this relationship cuddling, love, purring and my mouse game!!!
I’ll be your kitty if you will be my person.

I don’t know dogs or kids, but I love other cats! I am all potty trained and use proper scratching tools, not furniture!!!

I’ll bring the mouse, you bring your never ending desire to play!

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